Our vacation to Australia has changed the way we eat. When we were in Australia we got to experience so much of our beautiful planet and see wildlife up close like never before. We snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef, visited the rain forest, and spent the night on a free-range sheep farm. We ate local, fresh, organic produce and tried native fruits and vegetables. We dined on wild kangaroo and alligator. The connection to nature was overwhelming, and ever since we got back from Australia we have been paying more attention to what we eat.

We used to work hard on spending as little as possible on food. I coupon-clipped like a maniac and a lot of our meals came from boxes and cans. We wanted to make a change to a more local and sustainable diet. So Him did some research and found some local CSA’s (Community Supported Agriculture). We signed up to obtain our meats and veggies directly from local farms. We are trying lots of vegetables that are new to us, like kale and dandelion greens. Our meat now comes from animals who live happy lives in fields with their calves. Our eggs come from free-range chickens. We buy locally produced milk in re-usable glass bottles.

Our diet is certainly more varied and nutritious than it used to be. It also costs a lot more. A six-month allotment of meat cost over $500, which was a big leap for a woman who is used to buying bulk bags of ground beef at $1.99/lb. The eggs are now about $5 a carton compared to the $2.59 I used to spend. The only saving grace is that the automatic food deliveries have reduced the amount of overpriced junk food we used to aimlessly toss into the grocery cart.

I am hopeful that our increased spending on food will translate into better health for us and our planet. Have you ever made an expensive change for a good cause?

Any couples counselor will tell you that not all marriages or relationships are salvageable-despite my best efforts (and my pro-marriage and pro-commitment attitudes), some of the couples I’ve counseled will still make the painful decision to end their marriage or relationship.

A sad fact is that there will always be a percentage of marriages that fail-despite the couple’s best efforts to make it work. I think we all know this at some level, but we still believe that somehow our love is so unique and transcendent that our relationship will be the one that prevails, no matter what.

Beware of unrealistic marriage and relationship promises

I’ve seen a troubling online trend when it comes to marriage advice and relationship help products: Messages that offer unrealistic promises and assurances that any marriage or relationship can be saved, no matter how bad things are between you (and, not surprisingly, these messages are usually associated with the sale of some service or product).

I recently coached a woman who went through a very painful divorce and stated that she felt like a “double failure” because she used an over-hyped relationship product (I don’t know the product). Despite my client’s best efforts, her marriage still ended-her husband had already made up his mind and checked out of the marriage.  

So this already vulnerable, hurting woman thought there must be something wrong with her — after all, the claims touted by the seller of this product included a high success rate and several blatant promises (even in dire circumstances) and therefore seemed perfect for her situation.    

Can a troubled marriage or relationship be saved?

Absolutely-I’ve seen this firsthand as a psychologist and relationship coach.  

Should a couple give it their all and, when needed, seek professional help before giving up on their union?

I certainly would, and I encourage others to do so.

However, some marriages and relationships won’t make it (divorce statistics and the rate of failed relationships support this claim) and you should be cautious of any online messages that make outlandish promises, especially messages claiming to be able to save your marriage/relationship for sure, even when the relationship has been drowning in hopelessness for years and one or both of you are ready to move on and build a new life.

Be wary of marriage and relationship advice guarantees

Commitment and effort are essential to a successful relationship-but even these necessary ingredients don’t offer a guarantee (according to dictionary.com: a guarantee assures a particular outcome).

When someone offers a guarantee for their product/service, it usually:

1. Reflects the person’s own confidence in the quality of his/her product/service;

2. Is used as a sales device to increase your motivation to purchase the product/service.

Neither one of these are inherently bad.  Sales hype doesn’t mean someone’s product or service isn’t useful-it might really help you. But you should realize that the use and effectiveness of a marriage/relationship service or product will always involve a leap of faith on your part.

Here is my professional opinion about online marriage advice and relationship help products. They:

~might work;

~might even work really well;

~might not make much of a difference;

~might be a total waste of time.

But the truth is, you probably wouldn’t purchase anything if someone’s website and sales pitch read something like:

“Try my new marriage overhaul system. I think it’s great (and my aunt loved it)-I hope you do too. It may really help your marriage…but then again, if I’m being totally honest, I can’t be sure of that, since every relationship is unique. But what the heck, give it a try anyway-I’ll keep my fingers crossed!”

What does this mean for you and your relationship

Approach marriage advice and relationship help services/products with an open mind: balance healthy skepticism with hopefulness and realism. Take a little time to find out about the credentials and experience of the person selling a service or product-and if anyone is making overly-hyped claims or promising iron-clad results, my advice: turn and run.

About the Author

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Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives. His relationship advice has appeared on television, radio and in national magazines.

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Here is my marriage advice to all couples: If you want to strengthen your marriage or relationship:

Watch your mouth!

Marriage help: It’s all about the words we choose

There’s an old Bee Gees song that says, “It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away.” When you and your spouse/partner were first dating, you probably used your words wisely in an effort to win over your mate’s heart. If you did, you must have been mindful of the power of your words-you suddenly became a wordsmith, highly attuned to how your words made your partner smile and laugh and want to hold you tight.

Do you still choose your words wisely while communicating with your partner?

Essential Communication Rules for a Stronger Marriage

Rule 1: Your words have power.

Rule 2: Each and every day you have thousands of words to choose from while communicating with your spouse/partner. So the words that come out of your mouth are only a thin slice of the overall word pie that’s available to you.

Rule 3: The words you select have a profound impact on your marriage or relationship (and on your own experience). Your words are continuously impacting your relationship (even if you’re unaware of it). 

Rule 4: Your words are a reflection of what you’re thinking and feeling and your choice of words also shape your experiences.

Rule 5: As your marriage or relationship matures, you might plan less and blurt more. Because you’re not trying to woo your mate any longer, you will probably forget how mindful you used to be when you spoke. Odds are, you’ll start to say whatever comes to mind (expressing your feelings in their rawest form) and not really think about how those words might impact your spouse/partner.

Bring mindfulness back to your communications

“My experience is what I agree to attend to.” ~ William James

This famous quote highlights the selective nature of reality. With regards to a marriage or relationship, some people decide to attend to and focus on the missteps that happened during the day, while others choose to attend to the interactions that showed effort, good intention, and a willingness to move forward. The challenge is to do this even when it feels like the negatives are outweighing the positives.

What you attend to is also reflected in the words you use to describe your spouse/partner (to yourself and others), the feedback you give him/her, and how you speak to your mate in general.

To help you become more mindful of your words and the power they hold in your relationship (and in your life), let’s look at a few different categories that your words can be placed into.

I. Connecting Words (words that enhance intimacy):

~Words that validate and affirm;

~Words that support;

~Words that inform and educate;

~Words that heal (yes, words have the power to heal, just ask any therapist about this).

II. Disconnecting Words (words that undermine intimacy):

~Words that wound and hurt;

~Words that judge;

~Words that minimize and invalidate;

~Words that prioritize the negatives.

So you have the power to use connecting or disconnecting words at any given moment in time, in every interaction that occurs between the two of you. While this can sound daunting, it can also be very empowering.

Action Step:

For a week straight, use only connecting words-no matter what words your spouse/partner (and others in your life) chooses to use. 

The goal is to stick to your conviction and remain mindful of what comes out of your mouth, even during times of stress. And if you slip up here or there, be kind to yourself (watch the words you direct at yourself!) and bring yourself back to the goal of mindful communication.

About the Author

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Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level?

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Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives. His relationship advice has appeared on television, radio and national magazines.

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