“I really hate it when we argue…but I’ve also learned so much about my husband from our fights and we have a stronger relationship now.” ~Sandra, married seven years

Even the most effective communicators get into spats now and then. And despite your best efforts at marital bliss, you and your partner will disagree and argue from time to time.

But not all conflict is bad-conflict (if handled correctly) can teach you a great deal about yourself and your spouse or partner.

Relationship Help: From conflict to connection

Ideally, conflict can lead to an increase in mutual understanding and a healthy re-adjustment of your relationship, rather than estrangement. Of course, during a heated exchange it may feel like your world is ending and that you’re in love with the most unreasonable person on the planet-so how can such an unwelcome experience lead to growth?

The opportunity for greater intimacy comes after an argument, in the post-conflict analysis.

Have you ever noticed how most sporting events have a post-game analysis? By going over what happened, coaches and athletes discover what worked and didn’t, they examine their strengths (what they should be doing more of) and their areas of vulnerability (what they should change); they then set goals for how to use this information to improve future performance.

Doesn’t your marriage or relationship deserve this level of attention?

Marriage help action steps:

So here are a few post-conflict questions for you and your spouse or partner to reflect on (try to think of a few of your own):

1. What can I learn about myself (my strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how I reacted and behaved during the conflict?

2. What can I learn about my spouse or partner (his/her strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how s/he reacted and behaved?

3. How can I use this information to show more understanding and greater appreciation of my spouse or partner?

The information gathered from these questions can ultimately lead to more effective communication and greater intimacy. To get the most out of your post-conflict analysis, it will be important for you to wait until you regain your emotional footing-in other words, you should feel calm and centered while reflecting on these questions (so you may need to wait until any strong, residual feelings left over from the conflict dissipate).

You will strengthen your relationship when you make a post-conflict analysis a regular part of your marriage or relationship.   Because conflict is painful, many couples simiply ignore what happened and try to get on with there life. When you do this, however, you’re ignoring important information that can help pave the way for a more harmonious marriage or relationship. So when you set aside the time to examine the nature of conflict, you place yourself in the drivers seat of the relationship, rather than leaving the outcome of your marriage or relationship to chance.

And don’t forget, you can make a significant impact on your relationship all by yourself. So if your partner isn’t on board with doing a post-conflict analysis, you can do it on your own and change your behavior in ways that will positively impact the future of your marriage or relationship.

About the Author

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Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience.

Article Source: Content for Reprint

Love Advice - 3 Keys For True Love

by Johnnie S Laney

We all are wired physically with intimacy needs. We all want true
love in our lives. It is something that we hope for and dream about.

So we finally get into a relationship, things are great for a while,
we feel some sense of true love, we are very hopeful. But then, true
love seems to start slipping away. This person we love starts to lose
their luster, we start to notice little things about them that bother
us, or vice versa, they start to get bothered by us. In time we can
start to argue and further on we can break up or get a divorce.

Keeping true love is much harder than finding it, isnt it? If not,
wed still be with our first high school crush. So what can you do to
keep true love? There are many things.

The first thing is to realize that there are phases to all
relationships. The honeymoon "there's only you" phase will not last.
The next phase is the me/us period, where separation and getting on
with your own goals starts to become important. But true love isn't
gone in this phase, it just changes its feel.

A second important factor for keeping true love is to understand that
there needs to be a balance between giving and receiving. You can't
do all the giving or all the receiving. You both have to give and
take. If you don't, you will kill off true love.

A third important factor to keeping true love alive is simple yet very
powerful. This factor is PLAY. The more you play with your mate, the
closer and more intimate you will feel. Too often the burdens of
adulthood take over our lives and we forget to make time to play with
our mate.

Do you have a regular date night? Do you have a few things you enjoy
doing together? Playing together may be hard if youve gotten out of
the habit, but with a little attention you can start to bring some
back. And studies have shown the more play the less fighting and
conflict. Play is good!

So keeping true love is a work in progress. Dont give up because it
is challenging at times. Pay attention to true love and keep focused
on giving it some of what it needs on a regular basis. And keep
learning. The more you learn about it the more of it you will have.

About the Author: You can learn much more about this in the free
course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Were Taught In School
at Relationship Advice [1]. Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and
emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Intimacy
Relationship Help [2].

Links:
——
[1] http://4relationshipadvicehelp.com
[2] http://4RelationshipAdviceHelp.com/Relationship_Advice_Help_3_Intimacy_Keys.html

http://www.articlejunktion.com/2009/05/love-advice-3-keys-for-true-love/

Relationship Help - Learning About Love

by Johnny S Laney

We are lucky enough to get into a relationship and find true love and
intimacy. It feels great. We tend to think we should be able to keep
it once we find it, right?

Then we find out that it doesn't work that way. Intimacy and true
love is a dynamic process, not a static emotion. Our feelings of
closeness and love with our mate ebb and flow with feelings of
irritation, disappointment, upset and indifference.

Most of us adults discover that it is easier to fall in love than to
actually stay in love. What, then, can we do to have more true love?

This is a complex topic worthy of the tons of books written about it,
but there are some good guidelines to follow. You've already made a
good step if you have realized that love is not like some medal you
get pinned on your chest that you get to keep. Love is dynamic and
will change.

If you can appreciate that truth, then you can understand this next
one. Relationships are an inquiry into loving. They are an ongoing
opportunity to learn about how intimacy works and what gets in the way
of it.

So, keep learning about love in your relationship. One of the things
you can learn is to be an adult, not a child, when it comes to love.
The honeymoon phase or oceanic love phase of relationships or
marriages will wear off. None of us get to keep it like a medal or
award in a chest somewhere. And when it wears off, that's when you
get to learn about love.

Learning to truly love is learning a lot about yourself and life. One
thing you will need to learn is Acceptance. Accepting your mate for
who they are, not your fantasy infatuated ideal of who they are.

Leaving aside the ideal image we had of them when we first fell in
love and accepting them as real human beings is true love in action.
Not giving up on love because we don't feel deep intimacy at all times
is learning to truly love. Not expecting our mate to fill all of our
inner emptiness and keep us unendingly happy is a start to adult love.
There's much more to it, but this is a start.

About the Author: You can learn much more about this in the free
course 7 Vital Relationship Insights Your Mamma Never Taught You at
Help With Relationships [1] . Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship
and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Love
Relationship Help Quotes [2].

Links:
——
[1] http://fix-relationship-problems.com
[2] http://4RelationshipAdviceHelp.com/Relationship_Advice_Intimacy.html

http://www.articlejunktion.com/2009/05/relationship-help-learning-about-love/

Snoring Relationship? Try the Sleep Apnea Mask in Toronto, Among Other Things

According to a study at the University of California in San Diego,
sleep apnea can cause a decrease in sexuality and intimacy between
partners. Of course, you can safely surmise that this is true
everywhere, including in Toronto, regardless of nationality and race
precisely because the symptoms of sleep apnea and the effects on
relationships are similar the world over.

Symptoms that Strain Relationships

There are many symptoms of sleep apnea but the most common that strain
relationships pertain to the visible signs. Consider these: Loud
snoring akin to a lumberyard in full action, restlessness during sleep
resulting to tossing and turning to the distress of the non-sufferer,
nighttime choking spells that serve as frightening wake-up calls, and
morning and night headaches that get in the way of sexual relations
and intimate talks.

All these symptoms on a long-term basis can and will adversely affect
a relationship, whether both parties like it or not. It is thus
imperative that measures be taken at the soonest time possible!

Shore Up a Snoring Relationship

Fortunately, there are treatments for sleep apnea that will help your
relationship become better despite your condition.

First, consult a doctor about using a sleep apnea mask. In Toronto,
there are many manufacturers that sell these health contraptions that
can and will help you breathe better, sleep better and function
better.

Of course, using a sleep apnea mask in Toronto, or anywhere else for
that matter, requires some adjustments on both your part and that of
your partner. You can talk about it to discuss the measures necessary
to make it work, let each other know what you feel about this gadget,
and work your way towards being comfortable with it.

In time, that sleep apnea mask in Toronto you first wore to bed, in
any other places outside of Toronto you shall be comfortable to tote
around. After all, it is your health and your relationship at stake
here!

Second, you can ask your partner to sleep with you so as to ensure
that you can and you will use your sleep apnea mask. In Toronto, with
its cold winters and languid summers, it is not difficult to cuddle up
especially when the snores go away! No more sleeping in separate
quarters, no more being lonely but not alone in the house.

The above mentioned measure is a clinical fact. It has been found out
when couples sleep together in the same bed, the sufferer used the
sleep apnea mask three-fourths of the time than when they did not
sleep together.

Third, and in addition to using the sleep apnea mask, in Toronto
doctors will recommend lifestyle changes like weight management,
regular sleeping time, quit smoking, avoiding alcohol and specific
medicines, and immediately treating nose problems like colds.

Fourth, to reduce the use of the sleep apnea mask, physicians can
recommend surgery like a tonsillectomy and/or adenoidectomy. You will,
however, be made to undergo further sleep studies to determine if you
really need surgery.

When you have been cured of your need for gadgets like the sleep apnea
mask, in Toronto and everywhere else you shall have a good night's
sleep! And that would bode well for your relationship suffering the
snores of boredom and bad experience.

Author Bio: SleepServices.ca offers the best choices in CPAP machine
in Toronto [1] and CPAP mask in Toronto [2]. With a sleep apnea mask
in Toronto [3] and anywhere else, a good night's sleep is never far
away!

Category: Relationships
Keywords: Sleep Apnea Mask in Toronto

Links:
——
[1] http://www.sleepservices.ca
[2] http://www.sleepservices.ca/cpap-machines-masks.php
[3] http://www.sleepservices.ca/diagnose-sleep-apnea.php

http://www.articlejunktion.com/2009/04/snoring-relationship-try-the-sleep-apnea-mask-in-toronto-among-other-things/

image adapted from conradh

So you want to do something nice for your significant other (SO) this Valentine’s Day, but don’t have the cash?

Do you think that you need to take your SO to a nice restaurant or get an overly-saccharine trinket or card?

SCREW THAT. Better yet, screw each other! Why do anything that costs money when having sex is COMPLETELY FREE and FEELS REALLY GOOD.

What other free activity can relieve stress, boost your immune system, burn calories, improve cardiovasuclar health, boost self-esteem, improve intimacy, reduce pain, prevent prostate cancer, strengthen pelvic flow muscles, and helps you sleep?

Instead of spending money, have sex instead. Here are some examples:

You want to remodel your bathroom? LAY SOME PIPE.

Need to write a card? DIP YOUR PEN IN THE INK!

Shopping for shoes? KNOCK BOOTS.

Need to tear down your garage? WRECK IT IN THE BEDROOM.

What’s your favorite euphemism for doing the dirty deed? Leave your answer in the comments and we’ll pick one at random to receive a copy of Please Send Money! A Financial Survival Guide for Young Adults on Their Own by Dara Duguay. Get your entries in by next Sunday, February 15, 11:59 PM CST. We’ll pick a winner on the following Monday. Good Luck!