Any couples counselor will tell you that not all marriages or relationships are salvageable-despite my best efforts (and my pro-marriage and pro-commitment attitudes), some of the couples I’ve counseled will still make the painful decision to end their marriage or relationship.

A sad fact is that there will always be a percentage of marriages that fail-despite the couple’s best efforts to make it work. I think we all know this at some level, but we still believe that somehow our love is so unique and transcendent that our relationship will be the one that prevails, no matter what.

Beware of unrealistic marriage and relationship promises

I’ve seen a troubling online trend when it comes to marriage advice and relationship help products: Messages that offer unrealistic promises and assurances that any marriage or relationship can be saved, no matter how bad things are between you (and, not surprisingly, these messages are usually associated with the sale of some service or product).

I recently coached a woman who went through a very painful divorce and stated that she felt like a “double failure” because she used an over-hyped relationship product (I don’t know the product). Despite my client’s best efforts, her marriage still ended-her husband had already made up his mind and checked out of the marriage.  

So this already vulnerable, hurting woman thought there must be something wrong with her — after all, the claims touted by the seller of this product included a high success rate and several blatant promises (even in dire circumstances) and therefore seemed perfect for her situation.    

Can a troubled marriage or relationship be saved?

Absolutely-I’ve seen this firsthand as a psychologist and relationship coach.  

Should a couple give it their all and, when needed, seek professional help before giving up on their union?

I certainly would, and I encourage others to do so.

However, some marriages and relationships won’t make it (divorce statistics and the rate of failed relationships support this claim) and you should be cautious of any online messages that make outlandish promises, especially messages claiming to be able to save your marriage/relationship for sure, even when the relationship has been drowning in hopelessness for years and one or both of you are ready to move on and build a new life.

Be wary of marriage and relationship advice guarantees

Commitment and effort are essential to a successful relationship-but even these necessary ingredients don’t offer a guarantee (according to dictionary.com: a guarantee assures a particular outcome).

When someone offers a guarantee for their product/service, it usually:

1. Reflects the person’s own confidence in the quality of his/her product/service;

2. Is used as a sales device to increase your motivation to purchase the product/service.

Neither one of these are inherently bad.  Sales hype doesn’t mean someone’s product or service isn’t useful-it might really help you. But you should realize that the use and effectiveness of a marriage/relationship service or product will always involve a leap of faith on your part.

Here is my professional opinion about online marriage advice and relationship help products. They:

~might work;

~might even work really well;

~might not make much of a difference;

~might be a total waste of time.

But the truth is, you probably wouldn’t purchase anything if someone’s website and sales pitch read something like:

“Try my new marriage overhaul system. I think it’s great (and my aunt loved it)-I hope you do too. It may really help your marriage…but then again, if I’m being totally honest, I can’t be sure of that, since every relationship is unique. But what the heck, give it a try anyway-I’ll keep my fingers crossed!”

What does this mean for you and your relationship

Approach marriage advice and relationship help services/products with an open mind: balance healthy skepticism with hopefulness and realism. Take a little time to find out about the credentials and experience of the person selling a service or product-and if anyone is making overly-hyped claims or promising iron-clad results, my advice: turn and run.

About the Author

Visit Relationship Toolbox Newsletter and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE Newsletter.

Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level?

I’ve just completed the newest Healthy Relationship Program e-workbook.

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives. His relationship advice has appeared on television, radio and in national magazines.

Article Source: Content for Reprint

“I really hate it when we argue…but I’ve also learned so much about my husband from our fights and we have a stronger relationship now.” ~Sandra, married seven years

Even the most effective communicators get into spats now and then. And despite your best efforts at marital bliss, you and your partner will disagree and argue from time to time.

But not all conflict is bad-conflict (if handled correctly) can teach you a great deal about yourself and your spouse or partner.

Relationship Help: From conflict to connection

Ideally, conflict can lead to an increase in mutual understanding and a healthy re-adjustment of your relationship, rather than estrangement. Of course, during a heated exchange it may feel like your world is ending and that you’re in love with the most unreasonable person on the planet-so how can such an unwelcome experience lead to growth?

The opportunity for greater intimacy comes after an argument, in the post-conflict analysis.

Have you ever noticed how most sporting events have a post-game analysis? By going over what happened, coaches and athletes discover what worked and didn’t, they examine their strengths (what they should be doing more of) and their areas of vulnerability (what they should change); they then set goals for how to use this information to improve future performance.

Doesn’t your marriage or relationship deserve this level of attention?

Marriage help action steps:

So here are a few post-conflict questions for you and your spouse or partner to reflect on (try to think of a few of your own):

1. What can I learn about myself (my strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how I reacted and behaved during the conflict?

2. What can I learn about my spouse or partner (his/her strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how s/he reacted and behaved?

3. How can I use this information to show more understanding and greater appreciation of my spouse or partner?

The information gathered from these questions can ultimately lead to more effective communication and greater intimacy. To get the most out of your post-conflict analysis, it will be important for you to wait until you regain your emotional footing-in other words, you should feel calm and centered while reflecting on these questions (so you may need to wait until any strong, residual feelings left over from the conflict dissipate).

You will strengthen your relationship when you make a post-conflict analysis a regular part of your marriage or relationship.   Because conflict is painful, many couples simiply ignore what happened and try to get on with there life. When you do this, however, you’re ignoring important information that can help pave the way for a more harmonious marriage or relationship. So when you set aside the time to examine the nature of conflict, you place yourself in the drivers seat of the relationship, rather than leaving the outcome of your marriage or relationship to chance.

And don’t forget, you can make a significant impact on your relationship all by yourself. So if your partner isn’t on board with doing a post-conflict analysis, you can do it on your own and change your behavior in ways that will positively impact the future of your marriage or relationship.

About the Author

Do you want to receive powerful relationship tips each month?

Visit Relationship Toolbox Newsletter and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE Newsletter.

Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level?

I’ve just completed the newest Healthy Relationship Program e-workbook.

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience.

Article Source: Content for Reprint

Real-World Advice in Love Relationship - Relationship Self Help

by Cheryl Pierce

If you have spent any time grazing the net for relationship problem
advice, you've likely run into plenty that was just plain impractical.
Thoughts like taking your sweetie for a weekend get-away or cooking a
homemade epicurean meal plausibly do work great, but not everybody can
do those things. What is worse, they miss the point. A capital
relationship is founded on how close you are with each other, not how
much you spend. Fortunately, though, there are a lot of ways you can
initiate improving your relationship that don't require a lot of time,
money, or talent.

Prize each other

This is one piece of advice in love relationship you can swear by. It
sounds so simple. If you love someone, you naturally treat them with
kindness and deference, right? Well, that's commonly true when you
only see that person now and then, but when you reside with each
other, it's simple to forget.

The curative? Pick someone you profoundly respect, whether it's your
grandma or your favorite professor, and don't say or do anything to
your mate you wouldn't say or do to that person. If you slip up (we
all do it), do the correct thing and apologize. Remember, sometimes
just one thoughtless statement can end a relationship.

Back Up each other

Have you ever been exited about some great idea you had and rushed off
to share it with a close acquaintance only to have that friend act
ho-hum or worse, start tearing you down? Well, don't do the same to
your partner. When your partner shares their goals and dreamings with
you, try to at least say something positive even if you don't like the
idea.

After that, it's fine to point out major faults in a design, but do it
gently and constructively. Something like, "So you wish to become a
teacher, huh? I bet you'd be great at it, but instructors don't make
much, do they?" is thoughtful, yet brings up an important point.

Once they've resolved to take the plunge and try for a major
achievement, though, your support or lack thereof could make or fail
the relationship.

Learn to let go

When your mate does something you find bothersome, think doubly before
you impart it to their attention. Is it something they can easily
change or would it require a major personality overhaul? If in all
honestly, you can't see your mate shifting without years of nagging,
you have the choice to either put up or break up (or scold for years,
if you're into that kind of thing). Once you choose to ignore it,
don't take it up even during an argument.

Think Back, this kind of acceptance and permissiveness is often one of
the things elderly married mates cite as a rationality for their
success.

Whether you're yet in that silly, falling-in-love point or you've been
married for years, there are some matters about relationships that
never switch. Respect, support, and a little margin are just a few of
those things. The best advice in love relationship help you bring more
of that mentality into the way you deal with your truelove.

About the Author: Are you sick and tired of feeling bad? Then DO
something about it. Learn everything you need to know about Saving a
Relationship [1] by visiting our self help website: Relationship
Depression [2]

Links:
——
[1] http://www.how-to-save-a-relationship.info
[2] http://www.how-to-save-a-relationship.info/magic-of-making-up.html

http://www.articlejunktion.com/2009/06/real-world-advice-in-love-relationship-relationship-self-help/

Relationship Help - Learning About Love

by Johnny S Laney

We are lucky enough to get into a relationship and find true love and
intimacy. It feels great. We tend to think we should be able to keep
it once we find it, right?

Then we find out that it doesn't work that way. Intimacy and true
love is a dynamic process, not a static emotion. Our feelings of
closeness and love with our mate ebb and flow with feelings of
irritation, disappointment, upset and indifference.

Most of us adults discover that it is easier to fall in love than to
actually stay in love. What, then, can we do to have more true love?

This is a complex topic worthy of the tons of books written about it,
but there are some good guidelines to follow. You've already made a
good step if you have realized that love is not like some medal you
get pinned on your chest that you get to keep. Love is dynamic and
will change.

If you can appreciate that truth, then you can understand this next
one. Relationships are an inquiry into loving. They are an ongoing
opportunity to learn about how intimacy works and what gets in the way
of it.

So, keep learning about love in your relationship. One of the things
you can learn is to be an adult, not a child, when it comes to love.
The honeymoon phase or oceanic love phase of relationships or
marriages will wear off. None of us get to keep it like a medal or
award in a chest somewhere. And when it wears off, that's when you
get to learn about love.

Learning to truly love is learning a lot about yourself and life. One
thing you will need to learn is Acceptance. Accepting your mate for
who they are, not your fantasy infatuated ideal of who they are.

Leaving aside the ideal image we had of them when we first fell in
love and accepting them as real human beings is true love in action.
Not giving up on love because we don't feel deep intimacy at all times
is learning to truly love. Not expecting our mate to fill all of our
inner emptiness and keep us unendingly happy is a start to adult love.
There's much more to it, but this is a start.

About the Author: You can learn much more about this in the free
course 7 Vital Relationship Insights Your Mamma Never Taught You at
Help With Relationships [1] . Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship
and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Love
Relationship Help Quotes [2].

Links:
——
[1] http://fix-relationship-problems.com
[2] http://4RelationshipAdviceHelp.com/Relationship_Advice_Intimacy.html

http://www.articlejunktion.com/2009/05/relationship-help-learning-about-love/

A Self-Help Guide to Better Communication in your Relationships

by Liz Johnson

In order to improve and enhance your relationship it is important that
good communication skills are part and parcel of it. For many couples
it is the number one cause for concern and the main motivating factor
that prompts them to seek help. If communication issues are resolved
the relationship will be better equipped to handle problems and
challenges that occur, as well as making the couple feel closer.

By knowing how to express your feelings, opinions, and knowing how to
simply talk to your partner, it is likely that you will find that you
can work through any type of challenge that you are faced with. In
this relationship self help guide, I will provide you with some
strategies that you can implement on improving communication.

1. The very first step to improving communication is to improve the
way that you listen to others " particularly your significant other.
John C. Maxwell, who is known as an expert in the field of leadership
has stated: The ability to skillfully listen is the foundation to
building positive relationships with others.

By listening to the individual that you are in a relationship with,
you are actually showing them a sense of respect. It is important for
you to remember that everyone enjoys being heard " especially when it
comes to a relationship. If you truly listen and show a genuine
interest, it can work wonders for your relationship.

2. It is not always easy to understand each other, especially when
emotions are high, so the second step is practicing your listening
skills which is very important. The last thing you should do is work
on something else while someone is talking to you. They deserve your
undivided attention not only part of it. Besides it showing that you
respect them enough to listen to them, it also enables you to better
follow what they are attempting to convey, thereby avoiding
unnecessary misunderstandings.

3. Avoid speaking out of turn. Although you may feel a strong urge to
interrupt the other person try your best to avoid doing so. By
interrupting them you make it difficult for them to explain themselves
fully and this usually results in conflicts arising needlessly. Let
them finish what they want to say before you state your opinions or
give a response.

4. The forth step in good communication is understanding what is being
said to you. By concentrating more on how your partner is feeling and
less on your own thoughts and ideas is how you demonstrate empathy
toward your partner. Put yourself in their position and strive to
understand their reasons for feeling the way they do, as well as your
involvement in the matter.

5. Be sure to let your partner know whenever you are unclear about
something they have said. This lets them know that you are listening
to them and that you are sincere when it comes to your commitment to
fully understand what they are communicating and feeling. It also
helps you because you will be able to respond appropriately to them
thereby avoiding unnecessary contention and strife.

These five steps will most assuredly improve communication between
yourself and your significant other. By implementing them you will be
able to recognize the beneficial effect on your relationship before
long.

About the Author: Liz Johnson is a recognize expert on coping after
a breakup [1]. If you have found this article useful you are invited
to get more information on how to give relationship advice [2].

Links:
——
[1] http://magicof-makingup.com/
[2] http://magicof-makingup.com/wordpress/

http://www.articlejunktion.com/2009/05/a-self-help-guide-to-better-communication-in-your-relationships/